EXACTLY ONE YEAR LATER

h o l y  c r a p

Pardon me but trying to convey my thoughts into words feels close to impossible because never in my wildest dreams did I imagine myself to be where I'm at today. 

Let's rewind for a second and go back to last year today. I wrote an entire blog post previously on my thoughts GRADUATING and closing this big ol' chapter of my life THINKING I would be on track for a career in the entertainment industry. Then, I ditched all those thoughts and travelled across the world and wrote THIS blog post to close out the year. You can tell after reading both that I really, really tried my best to encourage myself and give lots of words of affirmation while I was in a very difficult post-grad rut. 

Cut to February 2018. I literally packed my life into one suitcase (and a carry-on and a backpack) and hauled my booty to NYC completely jobless and barely over the 3 digit mark in my bank account. For this part of my life story, I filmed a video. 

Now can you see why I started this vlog with two very not-so-PG words? I had literally ZERO indication that I would end up in what I'm beginning to call my new home (still need to get some plants though, then it'll feel more real lol). In retrospect, without all those rejections, what-if's, and dead ends, I would have never received the greatest opportunity of my lifetime thus far--moving to New York City. It has been a tough but incredibly rewarding journey. There have been lots of humbling moments like when I'd look at my dwindling bank account with no job lined up but knowing fully well that I had made the decision to be here and that that was not a choice I'd be giving up easily.

I have made some amazing friends already (shoutout to my beautiful Madewell fam!) and have been growing my communities which includes my new coworkers at my new, full-time job. Yes, yo gurl has a full-time job!!! It's been around 2 months and the working adult life has been surprisingly all that I had expected and then some. I'm so grateful that I have coworkers turned real-life friends and an environment that is made up of mostly women (go #GIRLBOSSES). I'm doing work that's related to what I love and although I still have a lot to learn, I'm simply so grateful for this opportunity. 

Seriously cannot get over it ya'll. So much has happened in what feels like only a few weeks. Just goes to show how much life twists and turns despite all the set plans you may have for it. I don't know what other personal blog posts I'll provide you with throughout this year but if it's going to be anything like what I've posted in the past year then WOOHOO boy am I excited for what's to come.

If you made it this far down perhaps I can leave you with this: whenever you're feeling uncertain or rejected, know that where there's a will, there IS a way. OK, you've heard that many times before I'm sure but truly, sometimes you have to trust your gut and just go for it even if you're a type A(-ish) person like me. Who knows, maybe you'll end up in NY too!

Until next time,

P.S.- Here's a random little video I found on YT that can hopefully brighten up your day!

WHY I MOVED TO NY...JOBLESS

Well, I done did it. 

I MOVED TO NEW YORK!!

Watch below to see how and why I got to this big decision. 

Also inserting random photos from my first few days here:

the prettiest home depot I ever did see

happiest gal post-Trader Joe's shopping

peed in quite possibly the smallest bathroom ever, proceeded to take mirror selfie

definitely coming back here to buy some plants

edited this post/YT video in this bookstore cafe (Housing Works)!

Huge thank you to all my friends and family for your support. Without your shoulder to lean on, I would've definitely had a tougher road to get to where I'm at now. THANK YOU AND LOVE YOU ALL!

Can't wait to share more,

Goodbye 2017

This past year was THE definition of an emotional roller coaster ride. So many major events occurred that have impacted the way I view not only the world around, but also myself.

It began with a desire to finish strong--college that is. I came to terms with the realization that I no longer would be enrolled in any type of academia and it was an incredibly bittersweet moment (you can read my Senior Year Recap HERE). After what seemed like the fastest four years of my life, college was over just like that. What followed shortly after was a dream. 

I travelled to two countries: Japan and South Korea (watch it all HERE). Visiting Japan was so ethereal. Every day was a new adventure and my friend Grace and I had an incredible time eating until our stomachs couldn't possibly digest another tempura. I also learned how humidity, although quite beneficial for my skin, was not the friendliest in terms of keeping up a chipper attitude (aka I will never visit Japan in the summer...again). My stay in Korea was filled with so much love and, of course, food. So.much.food. I bonded with my cousin with whom I had the best time visiting local spots with. Overall, summer was amazing...and then fall came around.

I talked about my post-grad dilemma in one of my vlogmas videos (which you can watch HERE). What seemed like a dream in one season came crashing down in a harsh slap to reality in the next. Although I am incredibly grateful for the privilege and opportunity to have accomplished graduating and traveling earlier in the year, nothing could take me out of this weird almost depressing haze of post-grad life. Despite the countless hours heeding advice from older colleagues and mentors, no amount of "you'll get through it" and "everyone goes through the same thing" could shake off this weight that had be dumped on my shoulders. Months went by with no progress and to be quite honest, I'm still not feeling quite whole. 

As I end this dialogue of how I've felt about this entire year, I can't come up with one feeling to wrap things up. Every day is a challenge for me emotionally because although I do feel very thankful and happy for what I have and for the friends and family who surround me, it is very difficult for me to avoid thinking about what I don't have control over. I'm not going to lie and say that not having a job doesn't bother me and I'm not going to say that I'm always grateful. But, what I will say is that whenever these thoughts creep up on me, I say to myself that in the end, IN THE END, all will be well. This is not forever and it truly is just a small dot in a sea of goodness that I know will come. 2018 will be a good year. 2018 will mark a turning point in my life and I can feel it in my bones. However dramatic I may sound, somewhere in my gut I know that as soon as the clock strikes midnight, great things are bound to happen in my life...and hopefully to yours too. 

Stay safe and keep your head up, 

SENIOR YEAR RECAP

WOAH. 

Last weekend, I traded in my last ever undergraduate final for an overpriced matching cap and gown. I. have. officially. graduated. 

I'm currently in South Korea sweating profusely as I write this recap in what seems to be like 1000% humidity. I could say that I've had a week to process this huge milestone in my life, but truth be told I was having a blast adventuring around Japan for me to even notice this change (more on that later). Now that I'm back in the motherland, I've a few nights to think about it so here we go...

Senior year probably went by the fastest among the four total years of college. As always, I kept myself busy with work, internships, and extracurriculars. I managed to hold down my two positions as President of the Undergraduate Communication Society and as Editor-in-Chief (again) of Trend Magazine all while attempting to reach my goal of straight A's for my last year (which I achieved by the way, PTL). I wrapped up an amazing year at my internship with Allied Integrated Marketing and an irreplaceable three years at CollegeFashionista. I even had the opportunity to visit the CF office in person during my spring break in NY! After my fourth anniversary (yes I've been working since freshman year) at Geisel Library, I said a final goodbye to my wonderful boss and coworkers and we even had my favorite chicken wing party to celebrate. 

All this to say, that although I kept myself very busy trying to finish strong, I was still struggling to grasp the reality of ending this enormous chapter of life and being forced into a new, much scarier one. College had taught me a lot...A LOT. I learned more about my faith--who God is and what He truly means to me. I learned more of what I was capable of. I learned how much being empathetic could change my relationship with just about everyone. I learned how to save money. I learned how to manage a team--realizing not everyone may have the same level of passion as I might (and being OK with that). Most importantly, I discovered more of who I am. They say college is the time for you to reflect on yourself and find your own identity and I truly believe the past four years have allowed me to do that. I realized that my feelings matter and that emotional labor is something that should be balanced between given and received. I was able to think more inclusively, eagerly learning about others' perspectives and figuring out where my place was among them. I dealt with many emotions and even mental instability I didn't even know I was capable of experiencing and then realizing that bottling it all in didn't help anybody (myself especially). I was challenged in my leadership abilities and am thankful for my teams, coworkers, and staff for being patient with them.

Basically, I just learned so much these past four years and I suppose this fear of graduating stemmed from this realization. Here I was wondering what the heck this new vaguely familiar adult world would teach me and ultimately mold me into the twenty-something year old I'd become. I had already experienced some of the most drastic changes in my personal life that I guess I was scared of what drastic changes the post-grad life would bring. How will all my relationships change? What will NOT going to school and NOT having a job (something I've had for the past decade of my life) feel like? How will my personality change? Will I like the person I'm becoming? 

Thankfully, my many questions were alleviated during my last quarter. I made it a priority to reach out to post-grad friends and professionals who gave me amazing advice and genuinely seemed like they cared for me and my future. I learned so much about their experiences and came to the conclusion that A.) traveling right after graduating is a must if you have the ability to and B.) timing is everything even if you can't control it. I made new friends and actually found a group of people who share the same vision as me for the Asian American film/entertainment community (a group I never thought I'd find so close to me). I spent time with people who were supportive and motivating. I tried not to be so pessimistic all the time and I even offered up my two-cents for any underclassmen who were willing to hear my story and how much college had affected me for the better. 

Fast forward a little bit and I'm walking down stage at commencement feeling grateful for the opportunity to be the first-generation college graduate of my family (graduating with honors no less!) and being eternally indebted to my wonderful immigrant parents who've sacrificed their entire lives to come to this country and dealt with racism, classism, and language barriers for my brother and I to have the most fulfilled life a first-gen Korean American could possibly have. Thank you mom and dad, this one's for you. 

Currently, I am waiting back to hear for a job opportunity and am still applying to many more. Post-grad life so far has been nothing short of amazing but that's probably due to the fact that I just got back from Japan and I'm chillin' in Korea for the next month and a half. Although I have no idea what God has in store for me, I am confident that the knowledge I've gained and the relationships I've made throughout college has equipped me to take on whatever life may bring. 

So bring it on world, BRING.IT.ONNNN.

As always, thanks for reading. 

Love, 

Photos By Daniel Lee ft. my dear Ophelia

MY STUDY PLAYLISTS

Finals week is wrapping up at my university and the stench of unwashed hair and stale fast food is still lingering in the air. One. More. Day.

I'd like to think that there are few elements in my study business that have helped me focus and mentally prepare to take a final worth pretty much my entire life (OK, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic. Kind of.) To start off, food is obviously my number one priority as I need the best of the best (full meals) and the worst of the worst (junk food) to keep me sustained and fueled for the night. Plus, finals week is the perfect time for you to tell yourself "what diet?" and #treatyoself to a couple more bags of Hot Cheetos. Sleep is another important factor that most students don't get the luxury of having throughout this intense week. I have only pulled ONE college all-nighter in my life and it was literally the worst decision I ever made. I've realized that my brain pretty much shuts down after about 2-3 A.M. so there's really no point in me trying to force-feed my mind, body, and soul into digesting information it can't handle. Last but not least, let's talk music! 

Music is probably the first thing I get started on before I open up those endless tabs on chrome or write the header of my research paper. I personally have a different genre/style of music I listen to depending on what I'm studying. If I'm writing, I like listening to instrumentals and soundtracks. If I'm reading, I like to put on Korean songs. If I'm trying to memorize, I usually do a little bit of everything mentioned before. 

To get you into that study grind I've curated some musical beats you can enjoy as you suffer (for one more day!) before heading home for the holidays.

"I Should Definitely Start Studying" Playlist

"I Can Handle Lyrics, No Probs" Playlist

"I'm Down for Some Non-English, Korean Study Music" Playlist

Let me know what you like to listen to in the comments below! I'd love to hear all your recommendations :)

*Disclaimer: these playlists aren't 100% finished, I just didn't have enough time to add everything but I hope you can still enjoy!*

Tune in next time, 

Rachel

WHAT TO DO: IN A CREATIVE RUT

I've decided on impulse to start a new series entitled "WHAT TO DO" on the personal tab of my blog. To start off? What to do when you're in a creative rut (how fitting). 

Last month, I unofficially made a goal for myself to stay consistent in posting content: a video every Monday and a blog post every Thursday. I lasted about 2.5 weeks. This failure is probably due to the fact that besides putting up stuff onto the web every week, I am also a full-time college student, work part-time, have two internships and lead two orgs. Or ya know, I could just be making excuses. 

In any case, I haven't had too much time nor opportunity to think about all the creative ways I can spruce up the part of my life I like to share with you all both on YouTube and on this blog. I never wanted, nor will I ever want, what I do online to become a burden but sometimes, especially when I get busy with academic work, it kind of does. That's when I like to stop, breathe and try to come up with fresh creative ideas. 

Here's a couple of things I personally like to do when I'm in a creative rut...

1. TAKE A BREAK: Set a timer, watch the clock, and do whatever it takes to give yourself at least an hour to just relax. Sit on the couch or lay in your bed and let your mind wander. Close your eyes if you have to. Practice breathing. 
2. LOOK AT PRETTY PICTURES: Whether it's insta-stalking your ultimate aesthetic-crush or scrolling endlessly on Pinterest or Tumblr, find an account (or hashtag) that you know fits your style. I like to look through the interior design tag on Pinterest or scroll through the #thatsdarling hashtag on Instagram for some inspiration. 
3. GET GROOVIN: Create a playlist or search through ones on Spotify and just listen. You'd be surprised at how much simply listening to the lyrics of a song or breaking down a melody can get you thinking differently. I always follow New Music charts on Spotify to hear up & coming artists (or new releases from singers I love). Here, here, and here are three songs I've been jamming out to lately.
4. COLLABORATE: Look, you're not the only person trying to get creative out there. Grab a friend and treat him/her out to coffee or dessert and just talk. Plan a photoadventure or cooking day with a couple friends to get that burst of creativity. Two heads (or more) are better than one.
5. CLEAN YOUR SPACE: I've never claimed to be a neat freak but organizing my space (bedroom, table, etc) always feels like I'm also organizing my mind. Something about having a clean surface just makes me extra motivated to start any task. 
6. READ, WATCH, LEARN: I like to take time almost every day to catch up on my favorite Youtubers and bloggers. These people ooze creativity so it doesn't take that much for me to feel inspired. Don't just watch to watch and read to read. Take note of stylistic editing and key words that actually make you go, "Oh, well that was interesting."
7. GOOGLE "THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU'RE IN A CREATIVE RUT": This one pretty much speaks for itself. On a more serious note: do it. There's a bunch of quotes and steps from people who make a living off of being creative so why not take a few notes from them while you're at it.

Voila! Feeling creative already? I hope this somehow got you inspired to use the right (or is it left) side of your brain more often. As the company Nike always says, "JUST DO IT."

Write On, 

Rachel

MY CURRENT FAVE FEMALE ASIAN YOUTUBERS

OK so I was initially going to title this "MY CURRENT FAVE FEMALE ASIAN AMERICAN YOUTUBERS" when I realized that I was probably going to add non-American gals to the list. Thus, without further ado, I'd like to introduce a couple of the many, many awesome Asian women YouTubers who are rockin' the web. If you haven't subscribed to them already...what the heck are you doing??? (Also can I just say that this list was much harder to condense than I thought...there are just too many amazing YouTubers out there!)

AMY LEE of VAGABOND YOUTH

She's relatable, real, and rad. A recent UCLA grad, Amy creates content that are true to her spirit and her genuine attitude is what gets the subscribers rollin' in. 

JENN IM of CLOTHESENCOUNTERS

I've been an avid fan since her days with bestie Sarah and I am amazed at how much success she's achieved in recent years. Jenn's style is unique and definitely rocks to the beat of its own drum.

CLAIRE MARSHALL of HEYCLAIRE

First off: tattoo GOALS. Second: Um, amazing hair, brows, and makeup??? Combine the skills of a MUA (make-up artist) with the humor of someone who'd be your best friend and then mix in some creative/insanely talented editing and you'll get Hey Claire!

KAREN O. of IAMKARENO

Coming down to LA from Nor Cal may have been Karen's best decision yet. Her creativity oozes into the content she creates and her cute n quirky throwback fashion is pretty much everything you'd want in your closet. 

KRIST of KRIST SOUP

I recently discovered this YouTuber while I got lost in the unending vortex of YouTube. She's as hilarious as she is artistic and her videos are like mini films you'd want to watch over and over again.

JULIA & MAYA of THELINEUP

Two of the most stylish gals from Sweden (aka the #1 place I want to visit on my list right now!!) I still can't get over how young they are but GIRL, their fashion + editing game is always on point!

ANNA AKANA

She's funny. She's smart. She's a cat lady. Basically all my #goals???

CASSIE & RICCI of TOTHE9S

This duo hails from Canada! Both have some of the sickest minimalistic style and they love Jesus! So awesome to see influencers show their love for the big man upstairs <3

NATALIE of COMMUNITY CHANNEL

If I'm ever having a bad day, I always look to Natalie to cheer me up. She takes the ordinary and seemingly uninteresting moments in life and turns them into something totally relatable and downright hilarious. 

PONY of PONY MAKEUP

One of my best girl friends, Caroline, referred me to this South Korean beauty and WOWZA is she good at her job! She can transform her face into a variety of characters and looks that are easy to follow! 

Who is your favorite YouTuber? Any you think I missed? (I missed a lot I know, but then this blog post would be just waaay to long ya feel?) Leave a comment below...I'd love to add more to my subscription list!

See ya soon, 

Rachel

*DISCLAIMER: All thoughts and opinions are my own. These YouTubers are ones that I can relate to and follow (ie-beauty gurus with similar face structures that I can copy makeup tricks from) so when I state ASIAN I mean EAST ASIAN~

JUNIOR YEAR RECAP:

3 down, 1 more to go

What.the.heck...happened this past school year? I seriously cannot accept the fact that I am now officially entering my last year of college. My goodness...

Junior year was probably the toughest year I've experience thus far. However, I'd like to start with an incredible blessing and opportunity I had which was studying abroad in Rome, Italy. To look back on those four months feels like I'm day-dreaming. I made such amazing friends, ate tons of delicious food, and travelled to my heart's (and wallet's) content. It was truly an experience like no other and I can't imagine how different school would've been without those few months abroad. (Check out my recap about it HERE and watch my vlogs abroad HERE). 

Coming back to UCSD was a different story. At first, the transition was O.K. I got to meet all my friends again and I got started right away with school and org business. Then things got a little to busy on my plate and I got caught in a whirlwind of work and lacked time and energy and enthusiasm in reaching out to the relationships that I should've held in higher regard. I started losing a lot of hair  and I felt the loneliest I'd ever been at one point. What was worse was my lack of ability to be vulnerable with even my closest friends which made me stuck in this emotional/mental despair. It wasn't until I finally cracked and broke down to one of my friends that I realized "oh snap" it's O.K. if I'm not 100% there and that friends are friends for a reason: they're there to listen and to encourage and support you. 

After I stopped stressing and feeling all sorts of bad, things picked up. I asked God to hold my hand and walk me through the tough times and I felt a big weight off my chest knowing that my friends were thinking about me and always available whenever needed. It was nice knowing that I could also do the same for them. I was able to be a better person to those I interacted with whether it was my co-workers, my magazine staff, or my precious small group girls. The latter, really helped me to grow as a leader and as a friend. These four different, but equally unique ladies taught me that being perfect is impossible and as long as you're patient and open-hearted, you will always be welcome and appreciated. 

This past school year was a real growing process for me and for that I am thankful. I got to learn a lot about myself and how important investing in just a few relationships that matter really is. Love languages are powerful sources of information that can help nurture friendships and taking a step back to always appreciate what you have is something I need to do more of. 

Oh, and before I forget, I had a little spark of inspiration the other day a.k.a. I think I know which direction I want to head for my future career (omg, it's finally become that time to get serious about this). I'm currently heavily involved with social media (I've got this blog, a YouTube channel, etc) and I'm interning at an advertising/PR company representing big film studios in entertainment such as Disney, Warner Bros, and Universal. It's come to my attention that it would be awesome if I worked in this industry of production and film (the entertainment industry in general) and even more specifically, within the growing Asian-American community. Productions like Wong Fu, ISAtv, Jubilee Project are all great outlets that not only showcase the skills Asian-Americans possess, but also how those skills are being put to good use that positively effects society. I just had a "why not?" kind of moment since this is something I'm passionate about and that my experience could be put to good use in. Of course, this is just one direction that I'm simply going to go in. I know I'll get inspired by other things and I'm not limiting myself to just the entertainment/film industry. But hey, it's a start!

So, I look forward to my last year at UCSD and how much more I'll grow and mature. It's an exciting, but scary thought that I know will push me to become a stronger and better person that can have a positive influence in other people's lives. I'll have friends and family to keep me accountable and I know that God will help me the entire way. 

Talk to you later, 

Rachel

P.S.-I'll be trying to post a lot more consistently on my YouTube channel this summer! It's a goal I've made for myself so keep me accountable and show support by subscribing and checking out my content! Click HERE to see <3