EXACTLY ONE YEAR LATER
h o l y c r a p
Pardon me but trying to convey my thoughts into words feels close to impossible because never in my wildest dreams did I imagine myself to be where I'm at today.
Let's rewind for a second and go back to last year today. I wrote an entire blog post previously on my thoughts GRADUATING and closing this big ol' chapter of my life THINKING I would be on track for a career in the entertainment industry. Then, I ditched all those thoughts and travelled across the world and wrote THIS blog post to close out the year. You can tell after reading both that I really, really tried my best to encourage myself and give lots of words of affirmation while I was in a very difficult post-grad rut.
Cut to February 2018. I literally packed my life into one suitcase (and a carry-on and a backpack) and hauled my booty to NYC completely jobless and barely over the 3 digit mark in my bank account. For this part of my life story, I filmed a video.
Now can you see why I started this vlog with two very not-so-PG words? I had literally ZERO indication that I would end up in what I'm beginning to call my new home (still need to get some plants though, then it'll feel more real lol). In retrospect, without all those rejections, what-if's, and dead ends, I would have never received the greatest opportunity of my lifetime thus far--moving to New York City. It has been a tough but incredibly rewarding journey. There have been lots of humbling moments like when I'd look at my dwindling bank account with no job lined up but knowing fully well that I had made the decision to be here and that that was not a choice I'd be giving up easily.
I have made some amazing friends already (shoutout to my beautiful Madewell fam!) and have been growing my communities which includes my new coworkers at my new, full-time job. Yes, yo gurl has a full-time job!!! It's been around 2 months and the working adult life has been surprisingly all that I had expected and then some. I'm so grateful that I have coworkers turned real-life friends and an environment that is made up of mostly women (go #GIRLBOSSES). I'm doing work that's related to what I love and although I still have a lot to learn, I'm simply so grateful for this opportunity.
Seriously cannot get over it ya'll. So much has happened in what feels like only a few weeks. Just goes to show how much life twists and turns despite all the set plans you may have for it. I don't know what other personal blog posts I'll provide you with throughout this year but if it's going to be anything like what I've posted in the past year then WOOHOO boy am I excited for what's to come.
If you made it this far down perhaps I can leave you with this: whenever you're feeling uncertain or rejected, know that where there's a will, there IS a way. OK, you've heard that many times before I'm sure but truly, sometimes you have to trust your gut and just go for it even if you're a type A(-ish) person like me. Who knows, maybe you'll end up in NY too!
Until next time,
P.S.- Here's a random little video I found on YT that can hopefully brighten up your day!
WHY I MOVED TO NY...JOBLESS
Well, I done did it.
I MOVED TO NEW YORK!!
Watch below to see how and why I got to this big decision.
Also inserting random photos from my first few days here:
Huge thank you to all my friends and family for your support. Without your shoulder to lean on, I would've definitely had a tougher road to get to where I'm at now. THANK YOU AND LOVE YOU ALL!
Can't wait to share more,
Goodbye 2017
This past year was THE definition of an emotional roller coaster ride. So many major events occurred that have impacted the way I view not only the world around, but also myself.
It began with a desire to finish strong--college that is. I came to terms with the realization that I no longer would be enrolled in any type of academia and it was an incredibly bittersweet moment (you can read my Senior Year Recap HERE). After what seemed like the fastest four years of my life, college was over just like that. What followed shortly after was a dream.
I travelled to two countries: Japan and South Korea (watch it all HERE). Visiting Japan was so ethereal. Every day was a new adventure and my friend Grace and I had an incredible time eating until our stomachs couldn't possibly digest another tempura. I also learned how humidity, although quite beneficial for my skin, was not the friendliest in terms of keeping up a chipper attitude (aka I will never visit Japan in the summer...again). My stay in Korea was filled with so much love and, of course, food. So.much.food. I bonded with my cousin with whom I had the best time visiting local spots with. Overall, summer was amazing...and then fall came around.
I talked about my post-grad dilemma in one of my vlogmas videos (which you can watch HERE). What seemed like a dream in one season came crashing down in a harsh slap to reality in the next. Although I am incredibly grateful for the privilege and opportunity to have accomplished graduating and traveling earlier in the year, nothing could take me out of this weird almost depressing haze of post-grad life. Despite the countless hours heeding advice from older colleagues and mentors, no amount of "you'll get through it" and "everyone goes through the same thing" could shake off this weight that had be dumped on my shoulders. Months went by with no progress and to be quite honest, I'm still not feeling quite whole.
As I end this dialogue of how I've felt about this entire year, I can't come up with one feeling to wrap things up. Every day is a challenge for me emotionally because although I do feel very thankful and happy for what I have and for the friends and family who surround me, it is very difficult for me to avoid thinking about what I don't have control over. I'm not going to lie and say that not having a job doesn't bother me and I'm not going to say that I'm always grateful. But, what I will say is that whenever these thoughts creep up on me, I say to myself that in the end, IN THE END, all will be well. This is not forever and it truly is just a small dot in a sea of goodness that I know will come. 2018 will be a good year. 2018 will mark a turning point in my life and I can feel it in my bones. However dramatic I may sound, somewhere in my gut I know that as soon as the clock strikes midnight, great things are bound to happen in my life...and hopefully to yours too.
Stay safe and keep your head up,
SENIOR YEAR RECAP
WOAH.
Last weekend, I traded in my last ever undergraduate final for an overpriced matching cap and gown. I. have. officially. graduated.
I'm currently in South Korea sweating profusely as I write this recap in what seems to be like 1000% humidity. I could say that I've had a week to process this huge milestone in my life, but truth be told I was having a blast adventuring around Japan for me to even notice this change (more on that later). Now that I'm back in the motherland, I've a few nights to think about it so here we go...
Senior year probably went by the fastest among the four total years of college. As always, I kept myself busy with work, internships, and extracurriculars. I managed to hold down my two positions as President of the Undergraduate Communication Society and as Editor-in-Chief (again) of Trend Magazine all while attempting to reach my goal of straight A's for my last year (which I achieved by the way, PTL). I wrapped up an amazing year at my internship with Allied Integrated Marketing and an irreplaceable three years at CollegeFashionista. I even had the opportunity to visit the CF office in person during my spring break in NY! After my fourth anniversary (yes I've been working since freshman year) at Geisel Library, I said a final goodbye to my wonderful boss and coworkers and we even had my favorite chicken wing party to celebrate.
All this to say, that although I kept myself very busy trying to finish strong, I was still struggling to grasp the reality of ending this enormous chapter of life and being forced into a new, much scarier one. College had taught me a lot...A LOT. I learned more about my faith--who God is and what He truly means to me. I learned more of what I was capable of. I learned how much being empathetic could change my relationship with just about everyone. I learned how to save money. I learned how to manage a team--realizing not everyone may have the same level of passion as I might (and being OK with that). Most importantly, I discovered more of who I am. They say college is the time for you to reflect on yourself and find your own identity and I truly believe the past four years have allowed me to do that. I realized that my feelings matter and that emotional labor is something that should be balanced between given and received. I was able to think more inclusively, eagerly learning about others' perspectives and figuring out where my place was among them. I dealt with many emotions and even mental instability I didn't even know I was capable of experiencing and then realizing that bottling it all in didn't help anybody (myself especially). I was challenged in my leadership abilities and am thankful for my teams, coworkers, and staff for being patient with them.
Basically, I just learned so much these past four years and I suppose this fear of graduating stemmed from this realization. Here I was wondering what the heck this new vaguely familiar adult world would teach me and ultimately mold me into the twenty-something year old I'd become. I had already experienced some of the most drastic changes in my personal life that I guess I was scared of what drastic changes the post-grad life would bring. How will all my relationships change? What will NOT going to school and NOT having a job (something I've had for the past decade of my life) feel like? How will my personality change? Will I like the person I'm becoming?
Thankfully, my many questions were alleviated during my last quarter. I made it a priority to reach out to post-grad friends and professionals who gave me amazing advice and genuinely seemed like they cared for me and my future. I learned so much about their experiences and came to the conclusion that A.) traveling right after graduating is a must if you have the ability to and B.) timing is everything even if you can't control it. I made new friends and actually found a group of people who share the same vision as me for the Asian American film/entertainment community (a group I never thought I'd find so close to me). I spent time with people who were supportive and motivating. I tried not to be so pessimistic all the time and I even offered up my two-cents for any underclassmen who were willing to hear my story and how much college had affected me for the better.
Fast forward a little bit and I'm walking down stage at commencement feeling grateful for the opportunity to be the first-generation college graduate of my family (graduating with honors no less!) and being eternally indebted to my wonderful immigrant parents who've sacrificed their entire lives to come to this country and dealt with racism, classism, and language barriers for my brother and I to have the most fulfilled life a first-gen Korean American could possibly have. Thank you mom and dad, this one's for you.
Currently, I am waiting back to hear for a job opportunity and am still applying to many more. Post-grad life so far has been nothing short of amazing but that's probably due to the fact that I just got back from Japan and I'm chillin' in Korea for the next month and a half. Although I have no idea what God has in store for me, I am confident that the knowledge I've gained and the relationships I've made throughout college has equipped me to take on whatever life may bring.
So bring it on world, BRING.IT.ONNNN.
As always, thanks for reading.
Love,
Photos By Daniel Lee ft. my dear Ophelia
FAREWELL 2016
2016...you were a rough one. On top of all the crazy events that happened to you (new memes, weird trends, Trump) I, too, had a lot going on in my personal life. I was reluctant to even share this at all because of how public this post would be and how majority of the readers (I'm assuming) will be people I know personally. But I decided to stick through it because life's not all about the good stuff and I think that maybe someone will learn something more about me and relate to it in one way or another and now I'm just rambling so...
Here it goes:
The beginning of this year marked a very drastic transitional phase in my life as I came back from studying abroad in Rome, Italy. I went from being in unfamiliar territory to a more familiar one with all my friends and family. But something was weird...why did I feel distant and foreign in a space where I was supposed to feel community? I think being apart from the "real world" aka home for so long created a rather large disconnect between me and my close ones (friends especially). For the first time ever I felt incredibly alone (I briefly mentioned this ordeal in my Junior Year Recap post) and to make matters worse I experienced my first anxiety attack. I remember just feeling so alone and scared to the point where I started hyperventilating, forcing myself into the closet and desperately trying to calm down. I had to freaking google what the heck just happened because I had no idea that what I had experienced was indeed an anxiety attack. This happened a couple more times and I remained very quiet about it because I actually felt kind of embarrassed. You're probably wondering "what the heck Rachel, why didn't you just talk to someone?" But here was my mentality: I realized I'm a people pleaser and that I can't bear to burden another person with my problems so I should just bottle it in for safe-keeping.
Bad idea Rachel.
It got to the point where my chest physically started aching from the emotional whatevertheheck I was feeling that I kind of broke down and finally shared my troubles to a few close friends. To start wrapping up this crazy ordeal, I'll mention how after I got that weight off my chest and spread each piece of it onto friends who were loving enough to hold onto it, things really did get better. I never got another anxiety attack (fingers crossed). I forced myself to read more scripture. I busied myself to keep distracted from wandering thoughts.
One of these distractions was focusing back on my YouTube channel. I felt like talking to a camera and this seemingly invisible audience helped me gain confidence in a weird way. I began to realize that this was like another digital diary that I could continue to work on and one day look back and feel proud of. I could never keep a handwritten diary for that long anyway (literally, I've never finished a journal oops).
Next thing I know, I was waving goodbye to another set of seniors only to realize now I (imagine that "I" extra capitalized and exaggerated) was the big bad senior. Mind=blown. The real fun began when I was accepted an internship during the summer which I still continue to work at to this day. Getting to promote films for production companies like Disney and Warner Brothers was/is amazing. I attended Comic Con for the first time. I learned new skills in marketing and discovered how much I truly love film. This eventually increased my interest in working in the film/entertainment industry and to make it even more specific, in the Asian-American community. (I also mentioned this in my Junior Year Recap). I started getting confident in the fact that I now had some sort of direction for post-grad plans. It was great!
Fall came around and boy, did it diff-err-ent. As a senior, I started the school year feeling this impending pressure to get the ball rollin' on this thing called career. It didn't feel that heavy because I kind of knew that I wanted to go into film/entertainment but not having this dream of mine secured was still a scary feeling.
Let's fast-forward to present time.
With two organizations, two internships, one job, a social life (barely hanging in there), and an academic schedule, this career thing felt like that annoying little pebble you have in your sock that you're too lazy to take out because the shoe you happen to be wearing is high-top laced Converse and you know those are a pain in the butt to take off. Yeah.
I have friends on that pre-med track deciding on a gap year or applying to grad school. I have friends who had no idea on what post-grad life is going to be like. I'm somewhere in-between. I know that I want to work in a certain industry so I have somewhat of a road to start walking on but my fear of the unknown is what gets me. The fear that after graduating, I won't have a school schedule anymore. I'm on my own and separated from the comfort of my friends and mentors. I guess it's a feeling that most post-grads reading this will understand and a feeling that underclassmen will get to experience in just a few semesters.
I've been reaching out to multiple young adults and friends (THANK YOU for meeting with me btw) who have just graduating and could help a sistah out in dealing with her pre-graduation distress. This has proved to be very successful in calming my nerves. The general consensus is: calm down, do the best you can, nothing is according to your plan but His. To be truthful, it's exactly the response that I expect but I know that it's necessary for me to follow. Crazy, just crazy how four years have gone by so quickly. Seems like yesterday I moved into college. But that's another sappy story I'll express for my senior year recap...
So far, the two questions that my mom always asks when I come home from school has been: did you gain weight and do you have boyfriend? Maybe and no. The latter inquiry is something my (single) friends and I constantly have brooding over every single conversation we share. "I can't believe you've never dated before." "OMG, we're graduating and the chances of meeting a guy is slim." "Dude...what if we're single and everyone else is getting married." I've never been too worried about the whole relationship thing but it is something that is always a subject of attention so naturally I do wonder when the thing's going to happen. Thinking about how much closer I am to being (hopefully) married and discussing who we think will get engaged first is kind of fun but even more terrifying. In the meantime, I think I'll just focus more on getting a job...in His time folks, in.His.TIME.
Well if you've made it this far, congrats. I haven't written so freely before so apologies if this post lacked flow or was a bit too casual. Maybe casual was what I was going for? Anyway, I hope this helped you understand me as a person more instead of just the images and videos I share on social media. It took a lot of courage for me to hit publish on this so I truly appreciate you taking time to read through. I'm glad I got to focus more on my blog this year too (shoutout to you Sidney!) so here's to many more shared memories to come. I hope you'll stay for ride. Bring it on 2017. Bring it on.
Yours Always,
MY STUDY PLAYLISTS
Finals week is wrapping up at my university and the stench of unwashed hair and stale fast food is still lingering in the air. One. More. Day.
I'd like to think that there are few elements in my study business that have helped me focus and mentally prepare to take a final worth pretty much my entire life (OK, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic. Kind of.) To start off, food is obviously my number one priority as I need the best of the best (full meals) and the worst of the worst (junk food) to keep me sustained and fueled for the night. Plus, finals week is the perfect time for you to tell yourself "what diet?" and #treatyoself to a couple more bags of Hot Cheetos. Sleep is another important factor that most students don't get the luxury of having throughout this intense week. I have only pulled ONE college all-nighter in my life and it was literally the worst decision I ever made. I've realized that my brain pretty much shuts down after about 2-3 A.M. so there's really no point in me trying to force-feed my mind, body, and soul into digesting information it can't handle. Last but not least, let's talk music!
Music is probably the first thing I get started on before I open up those endless tabs on chrome or write the header of my research paper. I personally have a different genre/style of music I listen to depending on what I'm studying. If I'm writing, I like listening to instrumentals and soundtracks. If I'm reading, I like to put on Korean songs. If I'm trying to memorize, I usually do a little bit of everything mentioned before.
To get you into that study grind I've curated some musical beats you can enjoy as you suffer (for one more day!) before heading home for the holidays.
"I Should Definitely Start Studying" Playlist
"I Can Handle Lyrics, No Probs" Playlist
"I'm Down for Some Non-English, Korean Study Music" Playlist
Let me know what you like to listen to in the comments below! I'd love to hear all your recommendations :)
*Disclaimer: these playlists aren't 100% finished, I just didn't have enough time to add everything but I hope you can still enjoy!*
Tune in next time,
Rachel
WHAT TO DO: IN A CREATIVE RUT
I've decided on impulse to start a new series entitled "WHAT TO DO" on the personal tab of my blog. To start off? What to do when you're in a creative rut (how fitting).
Last month, I unofficially made a goal for myself to stay consistent in posting content: a video every Monday and a blog post every Thursday. I lasted about 2.5 weeks. This failure is probably due to the fact that besides putting up stuff onto the web every week, I am also a full-time college student, work part-time, have two internships and lead two orgs. Or ya know, I could just be making excuses.
In any case, I haven't had too much time nor opportunity to think about all the creative ways I can spruce up the part of my life I like to share with you all both on YouTube and on this blog. I never wanted, nor will I ever want, what I do online to become a burden but sometimes, especially when I get busy with academic work, it kind of does. That's when I like to stop, breathe and try to come up with fresh creative ideas.
Here's a couple of things I personally like to do when I'm in a creative rut...
- TAKE A BREAK: Set a timer, watch the clock, and do whatever it takes to give yourself at least an hour to just relax. Sit on the couch or lay in your bed and let your mind wander. Close your eyes if you have to. Practice breathing.
- LOOK AT PRETTY PICTURES: Whether it's insta-stalking your ultimate aesthetic-crush or scrolling endlessly on Pinterest or Tumblr, find an account (or hashtag) that you know fits your style. I like to look through the interior design tag on Pinterest or scroll through the #thatsdarling hashtag on Instagram for some inspiration.
- GET GROOVIN: Create a playlist or search through ones on Spotify and just listen. You'd be surprised at how much simply listening to the lyrics of a song or breaking down a melody can get you thinking differently. I always follow New Music charts on Spotify to hear up & coming artists (or new releases from singers I love). Here, here, and here are three songs I've been jamming out to lately.
- COLLABORATE: Look, you're not the only person trying to get creative out there. Grab a friend and treat him/her out to coffee or dessert and just talk. Plan a photoadventure or cooking day with a couple friends to get that burst of creativity. Two heads (or more) are better than one.
- CLEAN YOUR SPACE: I've never claimed to be a neat freak but organizing my space (bedroom, table, etc) always feels like I'm also organizing my mind. Something about having a clean surface just makes me extra motivated to start any task.
- READ, WATCH, LEARN: I like to take time almost every day to catch up on my favorite Youtubers and bloggers. These people ooze creativity so it doesn't take that much for me to feel inspired. Don't just watch to watch and read to read. Take note of stylistic editing and key words that actually make you go, "Oh, well that was interesting."
- GOOGLE "THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU'RE IN A CREATIVE RUT": This one pretty much speaks for itself. On a more serious note: do it. There's a bunch of quotes and steps from people who make a living off of being creative so why not take a few notes from them while you're at it.
Voila! Feeling creative already? I hope this somehow got you inspired to use the right (or is it left) side of your brain more often. As the company Nike always says, "JUST DO IT."
Write On,
Rachel
MY CURRENT FAVE FEMALE ASIAN YOUTUBERS
OK so I was initially going to title this "MY CURRENT FAVE FEMALE ASIAN AMERICAN YOUTUBERS" when I realized that I was probably going to add non-American gals to the list. Thus, without further ado, I'd like to introduce a couple of the many, many awesome Asian women YouTubers who are rockin' the web. If you haven't subscribed to them already...what the heck are you doing??? (Also can I just say that this list was much harder to condense than I thought...there are just too many amazing YouTubers out there!)
AMY LEE of VAGABOND YOUTH
She's relatable, real, and rad. A recent UCLA grad, Amy creates content that are true to her spirit and her genuine attitude is what gets the subscribers rollin' in.
JENN IM of CLOTHESENCOUNTERS
I've been an avid fan since her days with bestie Sarah and I am amazed at how much success she's achieved in recent years. Jenn's style is unique and definitely rocks to the beat of its own drum.
CLAIRE MARSHALL of HEYCLAIRE
First off: tattoo GOALS. Second: Um, amazing hair, brows, and makeup??? Combine the skills of a MUA (make-up artist) with the humor of someone who'd be your best friend and then mix in some creative/insanely talented editing and you'll get Hey Claire!
KAREN O. of IAMKARENO
Coming down to LA from Nor Cal may have been Karen's best decision yet. Her creativity oozes into the content she creates and her cute n quirky throwback fashion is pretty much everything you'd want in your closet.
KRIST of KRIST SOUP
I recently discovered this YouTuber while I got lost in the unending vortex of YouTube. She's as hilarious as she is artistic and her videos are like mini films you'd want to watch over and over again.
JULIA & MAYA of THELINEUP
Two of the most stylish gals from Sweden (aka the #1 place I want to visit on my list right now!!) I still can't get over how young they are but GIRL, their fashion + editing game is always on point!
ANNA AKANA
She's funny. She's smart. She's a cat lady. Basically all my #goals???
CASSIE & RICCI of TOTHE9S
This duo hails from Canada! Both have some of the sickest minimalistic style and they love Jesus! So awesome to see influencers show their love for the big man upstairs <3
NATALIE of COMMUNITY CHANNEL
If I'm ever having a bad day, I always look to Natalie to cheer me up. She takes the ordinary and seemingly uninteresting moments in life and turns them into something totally relatable and downright hilarious.
PONY of PONY MAKEUP
One of my best girl friends, Caroline, referred me to this South Korean beauty and WOWZA is she good at her job! She can transform her face into a variety of characters and looks that are easy to follow!
Who is your favorite YouTuber? Any you think I missed? (I missed a lot I know, but then this blog post would be just waaay to long ya feel?) Leave a comment below...I'd love to add more to my subscription list!
See ya soon,
Rachel
*DISCLAIMER: All thoughts and opinions are my own. These YouTubers are ones that I can relate to and follow (ie-beauty gurus with similar face structures that I can copy makeup tricks from) so when I state ASIAN I mean EAST ASIAN~
Wells Blog
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